I have decided it’s yet again time to cut down on the effortless drive-thru and frozen grub and instead opt for what now appears to be the endlessly time-consuming activity of cooking my own healthy food. Dieting blows. There is that contingent that is always eating healthy and doesn’t have to “diet,” but the rest of us have to crawl through the nine circles of hell on our way back to good habits.
Habit changing can do weird things to a person’s psyche. The other day I passed a man in the grocery store who was carrying a single mini bag of Cheetos. I had the strong urge to throat punch him. I didn’t even want his Cheetos and can’t remember the last time I ate a Cheeto, but misery loves company. It’s not fair that my purgatory of sensible choices and portion control includes a view of those living in the carbs, red meat, fried foods, and sugar heaven. I want to hurt them and yank them down to my level. Buttholes.
This form of torture is especially prevalent while watching people on TV eat, whether it be during a Doritos commercial or watching the intro to Louie and telling my wife I would sell my soul and hers for a similar slice of pizza.
I wondered if watching a food scene that was disgusting would have the opposite effect and make me all right with not eating. This line of thinking eventually led me to the dinner scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I don’t think it helped. I’m not sure what it did, but it didn’t help.
Enjoy. Well, you’re not going to enjoy it, but watch it anyway. Have a good week.
Note: I realize that this post is the perfect time to show the Super Troopers sugar heaven clip, but to my surprise I don’t own Super Troopers, and after a short search I’ve been unable to find the correct clip. But don’t worry, we can watch this one right meow.